Where The Truth Lies

We've all come face-to-face with liars. And, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in saying that there are few things as hurtful and harmful to our collective soul as lies and the people who tell them.

I’m a big believer that while the truth may be hard to hear and can cause a fair amount of discomfort, at least it provides an opportunity for people to see and hear things as they are. And in doing so, it opens doors to acknowledge it and chart a course accordingly.

Sure, facing betrayal like infidelity on any level feels next to impossible to overcome. And, many times, it is actually not possible. But if a cheater has the courage to be honest about it, it also says a lot about the integrity of the person, and depth of the relationship. It also means that the one who cheated is willing to bring his or her true self to the relationship, which in this case, is a rather unflattering part. Sharing oneself, especially the worst parts is not only rare, but it is also the purest form of intimacy.

So, is there an upside? Not an obvious one, but maybe.

As far as the relationship itself goes, trust is fragile when put to the test. Considering that the quality of every relationship could be plotted along a continuum that measures closeness, connection and respect, there is an argument to be made that the presence of trust, or lack thereof, will be what determines where you land on the continuum, and furthermore, if the relationship can survive.

In less personal terms, say a friend or a colleague calls a flaw, fault or misdeed to your attention. It's unpleasant, for sure. Embarrassing, as well. Our egos don't like it. But if true, it’s also an opening for change that provides an opportunity to make adjustments that can improve relationships not jut with our work and friends, but also with ourselves.

Finally, expanding out one more step from micro to macro, consider the current state of relationship between politicians and the public. Perhaps the most glaring and suffocating example of egregious, outrageous and habitual lying.

Where is it getting us? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.

Lying is a disfigured, contorted mess. It’s not just the cheating spouse who denies any wrongdoing or the politicians who recite the equivalent of Clinton’s, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” when they did. We have bankers, priests, teachers, doctors, etc..., being hauled away in handcuffs convinced they’ve done nothing wrong.

I recently asked my friend, who is a hydrogeologist, how she handles dealing with the executives in big oil. I have trouble accepting the duplicity of industry and she is in one of the worst, along with Big Pharma and Big Farma. Healthcare. Wall Street. Big Tech.

She works for a company who monitors the oil companies to make sure they aren't dumping toxic chemicals into our water and soil. She said it is difficult watching how they operate. Ethical is not a word she would use to describe them. But when I asked if they had any awareness of the harm and damage they do, she said, “No.” Instead, they donate millions of dollars to some green charity and pat themselves on the backs for all the good they’ve done.

That’s when I realized the problem is not just the lies they tell us. The bigger problem is that they honestly believe the lies they tell themselves.